Shameless

(Updated to add: I have un-passworded some old posts, merely because I happened to come across them earlier, and Google reader has decided that they are New Output. Useless bastard thing.) A-tishOO. Hello. Blogging is now my sole intelligible source of communication with the outer world. My voice is failing, my face is glowing like a belisha [...]

John the Weasel

At 2am this morning, m’lud, the defendant, on entirely his own initiative, did remove a screaming, howling, protesting toddler from the nursery, and introduce him into the parental bed. The young man in question, true to 9-times-out-of-10 form, did not go back to sleep, but proceeded to turn the night into a surrealist dozing twilight zone of [...]

Riddle

If a tree falls over in the woods hCG level falls below 5 and there is no-one to hear it no blood loss, then does it make a noise have I actually, properly, fully miscarried yet? I stopped bleeding almost immediately after my scan: I did not lose any further clots. My HCG, by now, will be nothing. [...]

I’m not often nice about Tesco.

If you are a UK resident, trying to conceive, and, like me, are an impatient type, you will want the finest, most sensitive peesticks that money can buy, paying no heed to the suspect wisdom of discovering pregnancies at the chemical stage. I can help you with this decision. Do not waste your money on a couple of [...]

Delayed Eviction

Thank you for your lovely words and kind wishes. I’m still here. I feel tired, wretched and poorly, and haven’t the energy to do anything after Harry-wrangling except stare listlessly at the screen before heading toward another early bed, into which I collapse like a mighty tree-trunk afflicted with Dutch elm disease, oak leaf roller moth, red band needle [...]

What Are You?

If you are going to be rendered unwell, are you most likely to A) have a clear diary in which to groan at leisure, B) have a ticket to a special event which you are keen not to miss, or C) have a ticket to a distant special event, for which you have arranged to stay with [...]

Death Of A Thousand Cuts

I was looking down the menu in the Italian restaurant last night, searching for a pasta dish. All I could see was pizza upon pizza; absolutely dozens of the buggers. ‘Not much fucking variety!’ I moped to myself, before vaguely looking around and noticing that there were a fair few Pizza Express signs. Above the door, [...]

Frightful Conformity

Thank you so very much for all the hand-holding, finger-holding, toe-holding, tea-making, wheelbarrow-bringing and shoulder massage. I’m in the middle of it all somewhere, feeling loved. I trudged up the stairs last night, laden with cold and feeling strangely calm about it all before immediately receiving a jab in the solar plexus when I went to the loo; there [...]

You Couldn’t Make This Up

I didn’t start blogging until Harry was seven months old, but regular readers will not have managed to escape the fact that my pregnancy with him was precarious. A spontaneous, unexpected conception, he took root in Cameron (my didelphic uterus of zero-lining-at-all-times and presumed poor blood-supply, as opposed to Blair, which boasts the juiciest lining ever) because only [...]

Silence of the Lamb

7.00pm         Mildly cold-ridden and utterly Exhausted Toddler goes to bed. 7.05pm         Exhausted Toddler rattles doorgate in token protest. 7.10pm         Exhausted Toddler sleeps 11.00pm        Ann goes to bed. 11.45pm        Ann sleeps 12.15am        John goes to bed. Wakes wife with gratuitous bottom-groping. 12.16am        John kicked by wife. 12.20am        Prevailing somnolence. 1.28am         Vixen arrives and takes up well-chosen [...]

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