7.00pm Mildly cold-ridden and utterly Exhausted Toddler goes to bed.
7.05pm Exhausted Toddler rattles doorgate in token protest.
7.10pm Exhausted Toddler sleeps
11.00pm Ann goes to bed.
11.45pm Ann sleeps
12.15am John goes to bed. Wakes wife with gratuitous bottom-groping.
12.16am John kicked by wife.
12.20am Prevailing somnolence.
1.28am Vixen arrives and takes up well-chosen acoustic position below the
bedroom windows. Cue yowling, shrieking, screaming, Unearthly Din.
1.29am Theory that Ann’s thoughts are, in fact, unable to actually kill, is proved.
1.30am Toddler Klaxon sounds loudly. Frightens away Unearthly Din vixen.
1.32am John visits Klaxoning Toddler.
1.40am John reads Aliens in Underpants to Clingy Toddler.
1.50am John reads The Emperor’s New Clothes to Relaxed Toddler
2.00am John reads The Gingerbread Man to Chatty Toddler
2.10am John reads Paddington Takes A Bath to Bouncy Toddler
2.20am John comes back to bed.
2.21am Klaxoning Toddler.
2.55am John icily invites Ann to visit Klaxoning Toddler.
3.00am Ann visits Klaxoning Toddler.
3.10am Ann unwinds Subsided Toddler from around her neck.
3.20am Ann decants Protesting Toddler back into bed.
3.21am Ann reads Aliens In Underpants to Clingy Toddler.
3.30am Ann reads Brambly Hedge Spring Story to Suspicious Toddler.
3.40am Ann reads Brambly Hedge Summer Story to Beady-Eyed Toddler.
3.50am Ann reads Brambly Hedge Autumn Story to Relaxed Toddler.
4.05am Ann kisses Spaced Toddler and leaves room unhindered.
4.10am House resonates to Crooning Toddler and Snoring Husband.
4.20am Silence suggests Sleeping Toddler.
4.21am Lost lamb takes up position vacated by vixen.
Proceeds to blart loudly and continuously for its mother.
4.22am Demented Cockerel responds with fusillade of rasping Cock a Doodles.
4.25am Ann darkly contemplates Roast Cockerel and Lamb Chops.
4.30am Ann realises she is indubitably coming down with Toddler’s cold.
4.40am Mother of lost lamb lays reluctant claim to insistently bleating
4.50am Chronologically challenged Cockerel continues with hopeful racket.
5.00am Ann issues ‘stop snoring/spare room/die’ ultimatum to Husband.
5.15am Lack of memory suggests Ann sleeps.
6.00am John gets up. Departs to lambing sheds. Wakes wife.
6.15am Lack of memory suggests Ann sleeps.
7.45am Cheerful exclamations and loud thumping from Happy Toddler.
7.50am Ann capitulates and unleashes Tigger Toddler from bedroom and