Hairy Farmer

As part of the drawn-out and tedious process of disengaging from our current broadband provider, I attempted to register for @gmail and @hotmail accounts earlier today. I attempted to register, natch, hairyfarmer@, because that is ME, dude! Or, rather, US –  if John is standing within earshot of me. He nicknamed himself so first, but I rather feel I’ve made it my own since then.

Imagine my sensations, therefore, when I discovered that some officious busybody had – prepare yourself for something very dreadful – beaten me to it. Registered both already. Done deal. I was offered hairyfarmer0 @hotmail.

The indignity of it. Me! THE hairy farmer, damnit! HOW VERY DARE THEY?!

And then it struck me whom it might possibly be.

A little while ago I became aware (belatedly, as I’ve not seen stats for months: my version of IE refuses to display WordPress stats, and crashes if urged) that there was another.

And how.

I remember vividly that the last time I featured a link that was ohh-so-fundamentally not safe for work, Betty unwittingly opened it on the train, so let me preface the following with a strident warning: this one is slightly more risque than a young lady with a labial piercing.

If frisky, hairy, boisterous gay porn is yo thang, or you simply fancy a trip somewhere different in your head, then google ‘hairy farmer’, ignore the ones that are obviously me, and select the hairy farmer tumblr account that seems like it might be me – until you notice the beards (love ‘em!) the leather mankini-things (love ‘em!) and the genitalia (Hmmm. Is he…? No. Yes. Yes, he is.).  By which time you may plausibly have forgotten all about me, especially if you find the photo with the All. The. Cows.

Happy-looking cows, to be fair.

And there are plenty of photos of people just holding hands, which is adorable. Adorable Cheerful Hairy People! My favourite! And everything altogether seems really quite welcoming, albeit in a highly specialised fashion.

So, if I know about them: Magnus and pals must know about me. Perhaps it might be best if they continue to steer clear of my particular corner of the internet, and I shall promise faithfully to do my best to steer clear of theirs, because I feel I can contribute very little of specific interest to them, unless I send them a photo of John in the shower. Or… we could have a bloggy cultural exchange? Like town-twinning, but with… actually, I have no idea with what – yet – but it would be bloody interesting, I promise.

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14 Responses

  1. I think it best to not google that at work. But thanks for the mental image anyway…

  2. “Happy-looking cows, to be fair.”

    Ann, I love you. Never leave us again.

  3. I…well. I Googled it. I See What You Mean. I looked for the cow one for a while, and then I hit my saturation point for tallywhackers and decided I could do without seeing the cow one. Too late for my emotional wellbeing, of course, but well, you DID warn me. I…huh. Yeah.

  4. I didn’t have the courage to work through to the cows, I’m afraid to say.

  5. The cows were photo du jour the day I first found the site, some months ago. They weren’t being nastily interfered with, I hasten to add, but were being milked – in the ok way – by a chap in a delightfully-cut milking overall. It had a hole in it. He seemed pleased with his work.

  6. I wonder if young Magnus has noticed a leap in his blog stats as all these googlers suddenly find their way to his site.

  7. My husband wouldn’t let me click until I found the picture with the cows. Spoilsport. I will say that I had no idea it was possible to use one’s own equipment to self-sodomize. That was incredible.

  8. P.S. There is an obvious solution to your stats-crash problem: Don’t use IE! It is eeeeevile! Firefox!

  9. Oh my. Apparently I am very, very sheltered. All. The. Cows. ? Who knew? It’s another Thing! Life is full of Things I know nothing of! I really must get out more.

    A League of Hairies. Hmm. Certainly something to ponder.

  10. I can’t find the cows! I’m doing it wrong.

  11. I am now terribly curious but I think I’m going to have to explain to my husband in advance lest he surprise me in the middle of my surfing and think I have a dark, hairy secret preference hitherto unmentioned…

  12. Just found your blog, this was the first post I read and absolutely love your style of writing! You got a new reader!

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