What Are You?

If you are going to be rendered unwell, are you most likely to

A) have a clear diary in which to groan at leisure,

B) have a ticket to a special event which you are keen not to miss, or

C) have a ticket to a distant special event, for which you have arranged to stay with friends.

.

In pre-visit dialogue with your kind and understanding friends, are you most likely to reveal that

A) You have the most dreadful snoring problem that you do hope won’t keep them awake,

B) You have simply poisonous wind which you do hope won’t induce vomiting incommode them too much, or

C) You are likely to lose your pregnancy in their house.

.

During aforementioned stay with friends, are you most likely to need a loan of

A) Money,

B) Clothing, or

C) Opiates.

.

During debilitatingly heavy bleeding and cramps, are you most likely to

A) Take to your bed and cease to function,

B) Take the manufacturer’s recommended dosage and operate on limited service, or

C) Take a little more than the manufacturer’s recommended dosage and take no notice. Pain is weakness leaving the body.

.

Apart from your reproductive system, is the body part most likely to be causing you added anxiety and concern your

A) Skin,

B) Bowels, or

C) Heart.

.

During the loss of your 5th pregnancy and 6th fetus, are you able to comfort yourself with

A) Chocolate and bed rest,

B) Alcohol and daytime TV, or

C) Neither, because you must start a savage diet and also own a toddler with a busy schedule.

.

Would you be most likely to miscarry

A) At the weekend,

B) During the week, or

C) On Mothering Sunday.

.

Mostly ‘A’s

You are a delicate, lovely flower.

Mostly ‘B’s

You can tough it out against adversity.

Mostly ‘C’s

You are a leathery, hardy veteran and prime agricultural marriage material to boot.

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29 Responses

  1. Oh no.
    In true gallows humour style, maybe this is a portent for the upcoming election?

  2. I am so sorry. That sucks great big slimeballs.

  3. Bloody but unbowed? That’s how I like my women best.

    (I also like ’em bowed. I also like you, whatever your camber may be.)

  4. That thing about choosing C repeatedly if you don’t know what to pick…you DO know that’s an urban myth, yes? I teach, I know these things. So er…knock it off!

  5. My dear Ann
    I am sorry. May all the hand holding, candle lighting etc. be
    helpful in a different way.
    With love from BC Canada.

  6. Oh no. You poor girl. So sorry.

    You’re a powerful woman, as they say in Kerry. Fortitude hardly covers it.

  7. Still holding your hand but now also holding tissues and some heavy duty pain killers

    abs x

  8. Ann, I want to be on your side when the Zombie Apocalypse comes. You will rebuild civilization for the rest of us snivelers.

    That said, this sounds like a dreadful time. I hope there are a few moments for alcohol, chocolate, and TV viewed from a comfy couch.

  9. Still got the toe. And, as a college professor… ALWAYS choose C!

  10. Poor poor you.

  11. 😦

    Sorry. Still here holding your hand…

  12. I am so sorry.

  13. I’ll make both a big pot of tea and a hot water bottle.
    gosh ‘Pain is weakness leaving the body’ , you might like my yoga book where pain was associated with lazyness somehow. funnily enough I can’t seem to find that book….

  14. I’m only thankful your were with good, kind people who GET IT.

    You are very brave. I’m just sorry you have to be brave.

  15. More power to your elbow, as we also say over here.

  16. Oh I am sorry. I so hoped this uterus would have got some practice in with Harry and sorted out what was expected of it.

  17. I am so sorry – crap timing crap everything but glad you have love around you both in blogsphere and nearer home

  18. Gah. I’m so so sorry.

  19. Oh, I am so sorry. If there’s anything I can do from Alaska (I have no idea what…send you some fish?) please let me know. Holding you in my heart and praying for you and John.

  20. Glad your bowels are well. I’m sorry for your loss.

  21. Dammit!! Chocolate, wine and Vicodin sure sound like a good combo at this point.

    Are you sure Cameron’s name shouldn’t be Cujo? Just a thought.

    I am so sorry Ann!! Big hugs to you!!

  22. Well how very craptastic. I am so sorry that you are going through all this.

    Sending more love your way, because you can’t send opiates through the mail.

    XOXO – S.

  23. Craptastic is the word. Bollocks is another one. I am sorry.

  24. Sending you virtual codeine. I have some real codeine too but suspect you are a bit far away.

  25. I am so sorry. I would much prefer you got to be a delicate flower instead of a leathery hardened veteran. Many hugs from afar.

  26. sending you hugs …

  27. Lurker delurking; found you via Mfa_Mama. I am so very sorry you are going through this… wishing you opiates. And your blog is wonderful.

  28. I would prefer you have the luxury of being a delicate flower but I think life is “easier” for those of us who aren’t. We still get the same crap thrown at us, but we have the balls (and uteri) to deal with it. I only have the one uterus, but it too, was not always in league with my plans.

    Hope you’re feeling better. Hugs from Canada.

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