I will probably shave my legs tomorrow

Ok, so it’s midnight. My hall is piled high with holiday washing and assorted detritus. I have an empty suitcase, because of the aforementioned pile in the hall, but what I need is a packed suitcase.

Tomorrow – today – is the MADS blogger awards ceremony, and I have either been on holiday or batshit busy for the last 3 weeks. I am not precisely phased by my spectacular lack of readiness, despite casting a mildly awed eye at the meticulous planning of other finalists, yet I do feel that I could usefully move my preparations on a little wee bit, particularly as Harry starts pre-school 9am tomorrow morning. (I think he does, at any rate. I’ve had no letter. If there was a letter, I’ve lost it. I don’t think there was a letter. I hope there wasn’t a letter. I am now worried about the possible loss of a letter. Why would they not send a letter?) 

I am not expecting to win, hence my uber-chilled outlook from under an unplucked monobrow. If there were any subliminal suggestions of having to beetle up to a dais to collect summat, I would be considerably nervier. I’ve superglued the soles back down on my favourite strappy shoes and grabbed a new dress off a Debenhams sale rail this morning before work, which I feel to be provision-a-plenty in a contented runner-up. (Winning types should definitely wear new shoes.)

I’m not particularly relishing the fact that once again, my hair is channelling Cagney & Lacey and that wretched dulux dog, but I’ve had no opportunity to have it professionally tamed – although I did hack an inch off my fringe with holiday-cottage kitchen scissors last week. I can see now, at least, which was awful touch and go before. The sea-wind that has been playing havoc with it all week in Cornwall will, the very moment I hit Bognor, (which I cannot say without imagining an Austin Powers-type howl of BOGNOR, BABY!) whip it into yet another tangle of not-quite-curls and make me look disarrayed, provincial, temperamental and slightly odd.

All of the things, in fact, that I actually am, so no worries there.

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