Not Precisely Waving Here

My Visa bill fell incandescently onto the doormat this morning.

Among other items, it details

  • charges for the IVF I don’t think is working
  • interview clothes for the jobs I didn’t get.

Yesterday, I made toasted cheese sandwiches, without noticing that the flex from the toaster was caught in the back of it.

Big bang, big blue flash, big fucking surprise, and a zapped left arm before the circuit breaker took the fuses out.

The temptation to crawl into a hole and wail is fairly compelling, but Harry has been sick all morning – the poor chap scored a Direct Hit on my brand-new, not-yet-networked iPhone4 and my clean duvet cover with his first upheaval – so I can’t afford to waste my strength on histrionics, because it’ll likely be my turn to invert my insides this afternoon.

The peesticks  – aka, my best attempts at chemical WombCam – have gone from pretty-much zero (they sneakily acquired lines after 12 hours) to a ridiculously faint smudge after a mere 30 minutes (I knew my uterus couldn’t be wrong!) telling me a story of a very biochemical indeed pregnancy; however, my uterus is now quiet as the grave I hope it isn’t.

Oh, and Harry’s speech therapist saw which way the redundancy wind was blowing and left. Smart girl, but because of ubiquitous funding cuts, God alone knows when he’ll get another one.

I give up on suffering quietly: I’ve turned the comments back on. I’ll take all the comfort I can get!


24 Responses

  1. Oh Ann. So sorry.

    I am glad you decided not to suffer in silence any more. Stoicism is overrated, I find. (It killed the Ancient Romans, and now it’s killing me..?) Not that I can do much.. If I lived near I could offer edibles and also who knows my Stomach of Iron That Repels All Viruses might be of use, and I could sort of HELP or something.

    However, the Irish Sea is what it is (choppy, chilly, grey), and I can but offer virtual cake, and hugs.

  2. Oh sweetheart, I really really hoped it wouldn’t turn out like this. I’m so sorry.
    Can I make you anything? Ice cream? Cupcakes? Tea? Large vodka?
    April seems to be a really crappy month so far. I’d kick it up the arse if I knew how to.
    Hugs x

  3. Big smooshy comforty hugs coming your way. Wish there was something I could do.

    Let me know when you’re up for visiting or visitors and Moo and I will be there like a shot. With cake. Even for the cake queen. You can laugh at our endeavours…

  4. A belated warm thank you to those of you who emailed, tweeted and texted. I was greatly appreciative, but just too sunk in self-pity to actually, you know, reply. My bad.

  5. Oh, hon. I wish I could say something that could fix it all. But since I can’t, I’ll only say that my heart hurts for you right now. It will be okay in the future (the very near future I hope), but right now you’re in the dark woods and it sucks.

    I am feeling something of your financial pain anyway, as we owe mondo taxes this year.. tonight’s the night I must sit down and face the financial music. It could be worse, we are very lucky in many ways, but I am not looking forward to it.

  6. The universe sure can find some novel ways to kick a girl when she’s down. Start by stepping away from domestic apppliances that want to do you in.

    Wishing and hoping for the rapidest improvement in status. Immediately, if not sooner.


  7. I’ve come back by here three times, trying to sort out the words that **MIGHT** make you feel a little better…
    If I knew ’em, I would pronounce the Magic Spell to help set this right with you.
    Best wishes from across the pond!

  8. First, I wanted to comment on your post yesterday and say that I am horrified by how the local school is treating Harry by leaving him out since it’s “too much trouble.”

    Second, I’m sorry that all the other crap is going on too… agreed that you should maybe just get take-out for the next few days. 😉

  9. Oh god. You so don’t need all this stress. Any of you!!! So sorry. Sending virtual hugs. And tea . And cake ( although nothing like as good as your own cakes look). And sympathy.

    Stand in a field and scream very very loud swear words.

    And that school …. They are beyond words!


  10. Oh, Ann, dear heart. The whole spending THAT much money for an arse-kicking from the pregnancy fairy, oh, my dear girl. I have my fingers very crossed on principle, of course. You can ignore that bit. But I am also having a little anxious weep for you.

    And as for the Attack of the Toaster, eeeeeeek. And Harry being sick again, dear God, AGAIN. Shitty shit shit. Only, I hope, metaphorically, because surely the vomit is MORE THAN enough on its own.

    Universe, why can’t you give the woman a break?

  11. Oh no. Dammit, turbo.

  12. Ah shit. I want to console you with the “it ain’t over until” speech but a) you’d quite rightly strangle me with a toastie flex and b) I am a great believer that we JUST KNOW these things.


  13. The universe is vastly unfair (and so is Harry’s school).

    Much sympathy and hugs.

  14. […] – But enough of my vapouring. Go hug HFF.   Leave a Comment LikeBe the first to like this […]

  15. Oh poor you. Poor Harry too. Being sick or sicked on is no fun at all. Nor is being attacked by a toaster or by bills. Or indeed the whole cycle hell. Hoping hard that all this shit will soon turn to gold for you my dear.

  16. *Hugs* *tears of frustration for you* *more hugs*

  17. Harry’s school is a bunch of arse. The toasted sandwich maker is a bunch of wank, and your visa bill is a pile of toss. I am still impressed by Harry’s devotion to illness and am clinging to my prediction that that child is as healthy as a horse, and is getting all his illnesses out of the way in his first five years of life so he can live to be 120, whilst sucking his teeth and saying ‘I never had a day’s illness in my life.’

    Am still keeping legs and fingers crossed that all goes well in the pee sticks

  18. Oh, Ann, I’m so, so sorry. I hope something, better yet many things, will go your way very soon. But for now…


  19. Am teeth grindingly cross with Harry’s school – these things bring out the tiger mother in me. If you think a quick fierce serve from acrank Australian will bring them to heel, I’m your woman
    Read May’s blog that exhorted me to give you a hug and hesitated to click the link – I wanted it to be a ‘Congrats your pregnant’ hug was scared it would be ‘Oh sorry your not’ but am really sorry it’s still limbo.

  20. Am back at May’s insistence to give you another hug…


    PS. Also furious with lazy and unprofessional sods at Harry’s school. Happy to join Cathy – two cranky Australians always better than one, eh?

  21. I want to say something comforting, but I’ve got nothing.

    But it hardly seems fair to get a bill for something before you know the outcome. Hope Harry is feeling well soon, and doesn’t pass on his latest illness to you.

  22. Sometimes the dragon does win. That is why we hold each other’s hands and keep breathing in and out and repeating. A cup of tea, a cookie, and a long look at the beauty in nature’s world; and then we pick up and go on. Holding fierce good wishes for you.

  23. May sent me…


  24. Arse. Feck. Etc.

    Dammitalltohell, I’m so sorry.

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