We’re STILL majoring in Pessimism, mkay?

Everything I peed on this morning refused to tell me I wasn’t slightly more pregnant than yesterday, which took me aback.

The Boots Early Result one gave a wishy-washy line in the stated 2 minutes – but indubitably, a line. CheapieCheapieNiceNice decided to work properly, and, again, judiciously marked me at a little darker than yesterday within the time limit. Even the Tesco Triumphants turned up something shadowy in the stated 3 minutes before developing into a stronger-than-yesterday line a little later on. 

I know I can trust you not to fart rainbows of sparkly baby dust at me. I realise it’s hard; I have been desperate to fart glorious rainbows at Geohde for days&days&days, but sometimes people – especially people who are expecting it to go horribly, bloodily Pete Tong any moment – are happiest thinking about the situation as something that can’t last. Especially when, four times out of my (now) six, things have indeed Gone Tits Up for us.

(You are, btw, the Very Nicest Internets that ever there was. I know you have rainbows up your beautiful fundaments for me. Just… hold ’em in for a bit, please. Even if you’re touching cloth. About another 34 weeks should do it. Kthx.)

What happens now is:

I pee on even more sticks between now and Monday afternoon, because, duuhhhhh.

I go back to my clinic on Monday afternoon  – 14dpo – for An Official Peesticking. Which, in my head, looks a little like this:

Providing nothing catastrophic in the hCG or menstruation department has occured in the interim, the Schrödingery business of repeat quantitative betas commences, I expect.

And I try like hell not to think of a single thing beyond Tomorrow.

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28 Responses

  1. Holding in the rainbow farts.

    Not holding in the laughter because that illustration is HILARIOUS.

  2. I am hoping so very much for you! Hoping and crossing bits. 🙂

  3. The official peesticking is probably no better a pee stick than the selection you’re using….
    However, I will happily keep my thoughts of unicorns farting rainbow butterflies to myself, other than to say good luck!

  4. Sphincter lock on rainbows, check.

    This may be a dumb question, but why in jiggery does the clinic bother with an Official Peestick? You use them because you’ve (reluctantly) decided that the whole blood/salad spinner thing would be just that fraction too much of a marlarky to do at home. But they have all that stuff and a proper lab to keep it in! Surely they should skip straight to “proper” testing?

    • Ah, well, they might. Depends how senior the nurse is, I s’pose. I’ve found the junior are a little worried about not doing anything exactly by the book.

  5. Man, I wish I could give you a hug.

  6. Are you single handedly keeping the internet pharmacists and Tesco afloat with your pee stick consumption? I want to know, on Monday, how many stick you’ve pee on throughout this whole process.

    I also want to know something else on Monday, but I’m not allowed to mention that…

  7. My buttocks are firmly clenched. Besides, nothing but roses comes out of my backside.

  8. I didn’t get a chance to comment yesterday but I was glad to see asked & answered the question of using a broad range of peesticks… peeing on all the bases, to create a horrible new mixed metaphor.

    No rainbows for you… Just holding my breath, wishing you the absolute best. Also, if the nurses at your clinic look like that, you may have bigger problems… the dogbreath, for one 😉

    Can I get all rainbows and unicorns about the scooter video, though? It was incredible! I would be pleasantly surprised if my guy could do that. Next stop, one-legged pogo-sticking.

  9. Where’s the dead rabbit in the illustration? There needs to be a dead rabbit. Of course, that would be conclusive, so never mind.

    I hope you’re not seriously going to have to go to an appointment to pee on a stick and have someone else interpret it. What if their lighting is inadequate? They really need to step it up to something intrusive, if you’re going to have to drive all the way there.

    • Well, they’ll be hoping I have a hCG that’ll trigger a peestick of around 100 sensitivity, maybe. Which, btw, ain’t gonna happen. I would need to have one of 50 now. I doubt I have 25. But we’ll do betas whatever, I’m sure.

  10. Tomorrow is indeed the thing x

  11. You know I am going to be needing some of those very very sensitive pee sticks come May and I am wondering just how cheap they will be be once I add the postage to America…, I guess that I had better start looking for them closer to home. But I have to say that yours do seem magical in their ability to perform, even given this cycles wonkiness.
    Some day I am sure that women will pee on a stock and a beta number will pop up, but I have a feeling it will be Harry’s wife who will be of childbearing age before that happens. I guess until then we trudge to the doctors for a blood draw.

    • You mean to say, you’re dismissing the salad spinner option out of hand?!

      • Whenever I think of that I get this visual of pee flinging about the room in a spraying arch as the salad spinner goes round and round. I will never be able to look at a salad spinner the same way again.

  12. I’m just hopeing Sunday goes really fast for you…

    No Rainbows to be seen here yet.

  13. WHOA, where have I been?! Look at all this happening!

    I only fart unicorn glitter.

  14. Sunday is almost done here, hope it’s rampaging past at an insane pace for you so that we can all get some clarity, or a bigger box of peesticks.

  15. Well the weather is lovely at any rate. I’m allowed to be positive about that right? Official peesticks a waste of time. Straight to blood test I say. I wonderwhathcg levels the tests which give you the weeks pg are? Theymight be more helpful although not quite as much as a numbered one.

  16. Well, it sounds quite encouraging from this disance. Hoping the blood test tomorrow bears that out.

  17. What are you talking about? I’ve never farted in my life. Far too posh.

    Dear heart, I will beclicking refresh every seventeen seconds and chewing my nails off for most of tomorrow, you know? Work be buggered.

  18. Will we get our official Pessimism degree soon?

    • wait, how come we have a 2 hour time difference now? that means my Monday afternoon is almost over, but yours is only half way. ~confused now~

  19. Also suppressing any..thing at all. I might float off if this goes on for long.

    Oh boy. I wonder how it went. Good luck, good luck, Hairies.

  20. WOAH! I was too busy hyperventialiting all weekend to catch this until now. NEWS, please Monday afternoon is over for both of us! And I have a spare rainbow someplace about my fundament which I will keep at the ready for you when we can finally unlease the C word (the one that ends in grats).

    P.S. Am highly unimpressed with Boots tests, though I gather the range is 50mul so if you were getting a line- gooood.

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