Things I Have Said Today

‘Please don’t pick up food from the floor with your feet and eat it’

‘Oh God. They’re screaming. They’re all dying horribly.’

‘What the fuck happened to that?’

‘Ohio has a Welsh Heritage Museum?’

‘ The Waxed Bat doesn’t sound like a wine. It sounds like Ozzy designed a sex toy.’ 

‘Must you?’

‘I can’t see Boris Johnson now without thinking of a pinata.’

‘Is this thing on?’

‘Which end of you is that goddawful smell coming from?’



2 Responses

  1. Now that sounds like an interesting day…

  2. You should run a short story competition, in which all those lines have to be used. I’d enter for sure.

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